And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
