I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
