so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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