booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
