i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
