$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
