dude i'm inner monologue high
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
