im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
