end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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