YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
