umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
