HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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