So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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