i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
