So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
