I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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