did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
