I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
