just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
