he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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