proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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