OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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