I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals