Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown