Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.

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  (312): Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story. http://tfl.nu/ckvj
  Replies (6) Good night (1332) Bad night (510)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

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  (203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA http://tfl.nu/d77g
  Replies (14) Good night (4842) Bad night (765)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

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  (630): Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league? http://tfl.nu/urmj
  Replies (15) Good night (2872) Bad night (1107)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.

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  (303): If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed. http://tfl.nu/n5xo
  Replies (9) Good night (3336) Bad night (813)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.

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  (952): he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting. http://tfl.nu/x0uv
  Replies (6) Good night (5048) Bad night (746)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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  (201): He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him http://tfl.nu/dx9z
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (2834)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.

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  (612): drunk taco night MLK would want it this way. http://tfl.nu/ye78
  Replies (9) Good night (2750) Bad night (868)
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  (949): View more from California

  We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

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  (949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom. http://tfl.nu/b4pt
  Replies (24) Good night (6701) Bad night (2086)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out

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  (806): He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out http://tfl.nu/voyg
  Replies (4) Good night (2062) Bad night (898)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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  (334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5
  Replies (9) Good night (2424) Bad night (830)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

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  (301): But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you http://tfl.nu/si0a
  Replies (4) Good night (1222) Bad night (627)
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  (914): View more from New York

  It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you

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  (914): It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you http://tfl.nu/ff5c
  Replies (8) Good night (1500) Bad night (384)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!

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  (602): I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?! http://tfl.nu/4u7v
  Replies (9) Good night (621) Bad night (573)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.

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  (506): Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres. http://tfl.nu/tq3r
  Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (656)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him

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  (773): his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him http://tfl.nu/maqg
  Replies (13) Good night (278) Bad night (573)

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