Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"