I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
