That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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