My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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