I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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