Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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