I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
