Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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