I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize