you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
