I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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