The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
