what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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