Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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