I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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