i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
