Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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