turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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