Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
