I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
