So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
