why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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