So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
