my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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