i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
