She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
