I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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