matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
