Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

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(804): my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it. http://tfl.nu/l9cy

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(779): View more from Illinois

Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.

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(779): Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me. http://tfl.nu/6ngm

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(516): View more from New York

I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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(516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen. http://tfl.nu/vaik

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(630): View more from Illinois

According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

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(630): According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for" http://tfl.nu/5bi3

Replies (120) Good night (1165) Bad night (4328)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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(720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2

Replies (121) Good night (7732) Bad night (1785)
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(650): View more from California

How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?

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(650): How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list? http://tfl.nu/v2ct

Replies (28) Good night (1286) Bad night (4836)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

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(651): I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up. http://tfl.nu/q8q2

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(303): View more from Colorado

Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going

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(303): Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going http://tfl.nu/w65t

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(443): View more from Maryland

shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

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(443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk

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(206): View more from Washington

My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

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(206): My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help. http://tfl.nu/31aq

Replies (51) Good night (1064) Bad night (10723)
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(410): View more from Maryland

ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

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(410): ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised? (860): Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time http://tfl.nu/9nef

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(316): View more from Kansas

Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

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(316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws

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(906): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.

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(906): I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/v9bt

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(712): View more from Iowa

There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?

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(712): There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life? http://tfl.nu/al5z

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(585): View more from New York

He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.

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(585): He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey. http://tfl.nu/ziwb

Replies (1) Good night (25) Bad night (64)

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