i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it