you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
