Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.