Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari