well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.