what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.