There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
