Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
