the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
