Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
