We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
