well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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