I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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