I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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