She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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