Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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