i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
