I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
