I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
