my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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