I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
