If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
