Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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