If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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