Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
