It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
