Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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