So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
