the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
