Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
