guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
