That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
