You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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