last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
