If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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