White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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