I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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