Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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