the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
